Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
