Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
