Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
