VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
