Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize