I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
