DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
