It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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