i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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