so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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