My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
