Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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