remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
