i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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