Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
