God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
