guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
