Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
