just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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