I heard we made out
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
