MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
