I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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