I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
