It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
