Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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