Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
