Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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