I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
