after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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