he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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