Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Watching her eat just hurts me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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