My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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