and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
