you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
