I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
