I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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