i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
