is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The ass gains better be worth it
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