so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
