Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
