the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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