I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
