Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
