just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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