I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize