he was CRYING into my vagina
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
