You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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