You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i dont even know how to be here
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
