My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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