Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
