Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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