Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
