Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
