Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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