I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
