Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
