Jerry, you need to find god
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize