Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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