I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i out mim tonsoeep
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
