Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
