I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize