She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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