i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
