Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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