i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
