how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
