I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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