do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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