i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
