We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
