Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
