I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
