ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
