Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
